In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
