So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
