Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
