im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
