Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
