don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
