I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
