I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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