My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
