So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
