Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
