id be glad to
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
