Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
