9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
