She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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