already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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