Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
