Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
