if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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