i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
