we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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