I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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