Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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