We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
