She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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