There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
