Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
