I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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