Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
