I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
