I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
