Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
