You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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