Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
