the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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