peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
