For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
