so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
