I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
