Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
