She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
