Yo dont text me then not text me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
