On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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