I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
