That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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