it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
