I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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