your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
