I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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