so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
