they need to just BURY HIM!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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